Thomas was born in London several years ago, definitely before last Thursday. This was a good year for all concerned, and for him particular, because without it, later years would mean little. Thomas owes a lot to that first year, and now lives because of it in undisclosed locations, after having successfully absconded from probation. Although he finds making friends difficult, this is only because no one likes him. Including his mother, who didn’t bother giving him a name until he was nine. His solicitor describes him as having an allergy to apostrophes and an aversion to punctuation that borders on pathological. This makes the popularity of his books all the more remarkable. At least it would if there was any. But there isn't. So it doesn't. He was recently interviewed in Joomag's Meals of Food magazine, which didn't help anyone.